Pregnant Mom's Diary

So when last we left our new Mom, she had decided not to go with the wound vac and heal naturally.  But fate had something more in store for her . . .

The VNA nurse on Thanksgiving was brutal.  I know she didn't want to work on a holiday but did she have to take it out on me?  Ouch!  I was really glad for the percosets.  She was very gloom and doom about my wound and told me that I should go for the wound vac procedure.  I'm no longer frightened of it.  We found some websites that had good information on it.  It would cut down on the VNA visits to three times a week instead of every day and according to her changing the foam would hurt as much as changing my dressing.  And it would heal the wound faster.  They're worried about my blood pressure still.  But it's always high when hey first come because I'm afraid of the pain.

Thanksgiving Day was wonderful.  The food was great and Baby Ray was an angel.  Everyone loves him.  I'm sad I couldn't get my Grandfather to smile on camera, but he enjoyed looking at the baby.  My mother washed my hair because I was feeling funky.  Even though they tell me I can shower with the open wound, I ge scared that I'll make the infection worse.  I'll wait until it's closed some.  

I know I need rest, but my mind is so active and I feel normal until I try to get up and do something.  I get some weepy moments and flares of panic about my wound.  I'm feeling better about not being in immediate danger and about the wound vac treatment.  I just have to remember that a *normal* C-section recovery takes 6-8 weeks (which would put me in January).  So I shouldn't feel he need to be A-OK 8 days after the procedure.  It's hard to be rational when you're hormonal.

Black Friday, 11/23/07  Day 9

CTnewDad went to Walmart after the 5 a.m. feeding to pick up a GPS and a photo printer on the cheap!  When he got home I had him put the baby in between us on the bed.  I like that because I can immediately check on any noise he makes, make sure his swaddling blanket doesn't cover his face in his sleep.  His hea is either on my arm or on he bed with my body supporting him.  Because it causes me so much pain to move, I wake up before shifting and am aware of the baby in bed with us.  I didn't think it would be so hard to sleep when the baby sleeps.  But I better start because I'm screwed when Daddy oes back to work.  On the wound front, there's a lot of leakage.  The VNA nurse also noticed a foul odor.  Her name was Mary and she was very gentle which was a change from that bitch from Thanksgiving.  She made me call Midstate hospital and sure enough my wound  culture had come back that I had not one, but TWO strains of bacteria living in my wound.  She put me on two antibiotics, Ciprio and Augmentin.   It seems like we're living at CVS drugstore.

Saturday 11/24/07 Day 10
The baby is eating well, about an ounce of formula every hour.  There seems to be a poopy diaper every other day and plenty of wet ones.  I'm exhausted and in pain.  The baby wakes up every two hours at night for a feeding and a diaper change.  I'm lucky that CTnewDad is taking the night feedings because lifting the baby aggravates my wound.  I'm so scared to be all alone with the baby in two days.  I put the heat on in the house to 72 because I was getting the shakes.

Sunday 11/25/07 Day 11
Sometimes the post partum depression is tough to shake and I'm convinced that this woun in my abdomen is going to be faal for me.  I have no appetite and I'm fighting off nausea when I take my pills.  The antibiotics are playing hell with my digestive tract.  I'm looking forward to Tuesday when I go back to Midstate Hospital so I can get some professional feedback.  I'm so scared.  I don't want to die.  I want to see my baby grow up.  I love him so much.  I don't want to miss anything.  I love my husband and my parents.  Everyday with the baby has brought us closer.  I smile and I'm filled with such joy just looking at Baby Ray and how much everyone loves him.  Tomorrow Tom goes back to work and I'm scared.  I'm not sure of what though.  I guess I'm afraid of screwing up or hurting the baby by accident because I'm clumsy or too exhausted or in too much pain.  But that's just nonsense.  Me and Ray have go it covered.

***

Next up . . . a light at the end of the tunnel!!!  Baby needs a diaper change so more later.

I found this in my journal for Tuesday, 11/20/07 -- This was from the night that I went to Midstate Hospital after they found out that my wound had reopened.  The Dr. decided I didn't need a wound vac (mostly because I was really hysterical about having it.)  So he said he would see me next week and see what the VNA had to say when they changed my dressing every day.  I put this under a cut because it gets a little graphic, medically wise.  At least I hope it goes under a cut.  My HTML sucks.  This gives you an idea of what my mental state was just one week ago.  My journal saved my sanity.  It was the one "normal" thing that I could do.  I also felt like that guy from the movie "Momento".  I had to write everything down in order to remember anything.

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8:00 p.m. Raymond fell asleep in my arms.  Daddy put him in the crib for me.

9:00 p.m. He's making little noises in his sleep.  I figure he'll be looking for his "bottie" in another half hour.  Yawn, hiccup, fart, grunt -- yeah not long now.  Eyes opene, yawned.

10:00 p.m. I didn't think he would make it this far without waking up.  So I decided to go o the bathroom real quick.  I was shocked to find the corners of my underwear wet with blood/water/fluid.   Not a lot.  But enough to see it and feel wet.  So I went to the big bathroom and looked at the wound with a hand held mirror.  It looks like the my wound is draining from the sides.  I freaked a bit.  Then realized, well duh, of course it's going to drain.  That's why they have the Visiting Nurses Association come in every day to change the dressing.  So I'm not sure if I should keep my 8:30 a.m. obgyn appointment tomorrow morning or wait until the VNA comes in a 2:0.  Part of me likes the idea of having the Dr. looking at it first thing.  But the other part of me thinks that the wound specialist at Midstate said I was fine.  I guess I'll wait and see what my undies look like tomorrow a.m.  Scary stuf.  Anyway, Ray seems to be fretting a bit.  So I hauled him to the changing table.  I wasn't sure if he peed, but I changed it anyway.  Unfortunately, I forgot about the firehouse and he peed on the cloth covering the changing table.  Oh well!  Then I botched swaddling him and I forgot to give him a pacifier so his howls woke up Daddy.  He asked if I needed a hand, but I said no and he went back to bed.  He's got work in the morning.

10:30 p.m. I finally got a bottle into him.  I think he took an ounce and a half.  Then I burped him -- nothing -- He seemed to be upset over me interrupting his dinner.  So I gave him some more, which he sucked down like a trooper.  He gave me a HUGE burp.  But wouldn't settle own.  So I suck a pacifier in his mouth and put him down on the dressing table checking his diaper for poopies or other surprises.  The diaper was a bust and the intrusion only enraged him further.  Botched the swaddle again.  I took him for a walk nto the kitchen for another pacifer an a new bottle of formula.

11:00 p.m. Still awake.  Had to call in reinforcements and woke Daddy up.  Handed him off to you so I could fret about the drainage.  Called Grandma and asked her to come over around 8:00 a.m. to watch the baby so I could go to the obgyn appointment.  I realized I woul have greater peace of mind hearing from the Doctor first thing than having to wait for the nurse at 2.  I feel like a dork.  It's just the fluis draining out of me.  There's very little blood.  Dr. Leff, the wound specialist said not ten hours ago that I was young, healthy an the tissue looked good enough to heal on its own.  Nothing changes tha dramatically in one day.

12:00 a.m.  Raymond is *still* up.  Daddy thinks it's gas as he's been farting up a storm.  Poor thing.  He quiets down only to rile up again.  I feel badly abou waking Daddy but I'm so tired and distracted by this wound thing, I can't help my little buddy.  He just said to Raymond,  "Now Daddy's going to read you a story."  and you screwed up your face in a "Do Not Want!"  expression.

12:10 a.m. Daddy is giving Ray another bottle.

1:00 a.m. He's still up.  Must be gas.  We put him in his rocker and he fell asleep immediately.  Daddy went to bed.  I stayed up with him in the living room to watch over him.  

2:00 a.m. Daddy had a nightmare about sirens an me yelling for him, but we were all OK.

2:30 a.m. Ray was fussing so I picked him up and we both slept cuddled next to each other on the couch.

6:00 a.m.  Still sleeping.  I had to pee so I handed him off to Daddy.  Ray woke up and Daddy fed him, burped him and he fussed.  We tried laying Ray down skin to skin on me like they did in the hospital in the frog position but that didn't work.  What did work was he pacifier and then being cuddle in my left arm while we both sleep side by side.  

7:00 a.m. Daddy said when all three of us were cuddled on the bed that it was more peaceful and full of bliss than any vacation he had ever been on.  He said, "Life doesn't get any better than this."  Ray was between us.  I don't really sleep when he's on the bed.  I lie awake and listen to the little noises he makes and make sure that his sleeper or his blanket isn't obstructing his breathing.  I also guard against any animals jumping on the bed or one of us rolling over.

8:00 a.m.  (11/21/07 Wednesday - One week old)  Ray's still sleeping when Grandma shows up.

2:00 p.m.  I'm glad I decided to go to the obgyn so they could change the dressing this morning.  They found some dead tissue.  They cut it away and roughed up the edges.  Ouch!  I hadn't taken a percoset since 6 a.m.  I didn't think it would hurt.  My blood pressure was sky high but after they wrapped up the wound, they made me rest and took it again.  It was 135/78 which was a lot better than it was during my pregnancy (160/100).  The VNA came and changed the dressing again at 1:30 p.m.  I'm glad I didn't cancel because although Dr. Pringle did a good job of clenaing it out, I don't think she did a good job of stuffing it.  And if no one can come out tomorrow because of Thanksgiving, I won't feel bad about missing a day.  The nurse was very gentle.  The key is taking a percoset 1/2 hour beore they get here for he pain.  She said the woul may be healed in three weeks!!!  But I keep hearing different things from different people.  I'm getting more familiar with the incision and how it's supposed to feel/work.  It looks good.  I've got to go back to Dr. Leff in Midsate next week and I'll see Dr Andsuar also so hopefully there will be good news.  I'm glad for the week's reprieve.  After the Dr's visit today I went to CVS to pick up stuff and to print out pictures from the digital camera. I stopped by the library to pick up the book I had on hold.  By the time I got home I wa in terrible pain.  (I overdid it.)  And I was exhausted.  The Dr. yelled at me for driving myself with a C-section.  I guess he theory is if I had to stop short, the pain in my inciion could get me into an accident.  But I think the real risk is sleep deprivation.

6:30 p.m. I took a two hour nap when I got back. Ray is fussing around.  We're on poopy diaper watch and we're a little anxious because it hasn't happened in a few days.

7:00 p.m. Daddy is singing the ABC song to Raymond and froggy.  Ray's looking at him like he's the best thing in the world -- Daddy not Froggy.  We put Ray in his swing so we could do some chores.

8:23 p.m. Ray's fas asleep in his swing.  Daddy's making ham sala for dinner.  Gus is eating the ham bone and Tish is eating my yogurt.  I'm working on Ray's baby book.

10:45 p.m.   After sleeping most of the night away, Ray awoke with one wet diaper and then drank 3 oz of formula before noddin off.  We put him in his bassinet andd went back to bed.

12:45 a.m.  Ray's still asleep.  I awoke from a nightmare and turned towards Daddy who was getting up to pee.  I turned towards him and clutched for Raymond, who was in his bassinet safe and sound.  Still no poopy diaper!

1:45 a.m. Raymond woke up cryin to be fed.  He's such a sweet little baby.  I've been taking percosets all night for the pain.  I'm worried they won't last the long weekend.  I'll call for a refill on Friday.  I hope the Drs' office is opne.

4:45 a.m.  Raymond started stirring and woke me up.  I was dead asleep.  I'm pretty sure he'll want to be fed and changed.  I can't wait to hold him again.  No poopy diaper yet.  We're trying not to be obsessive about it as it's only been 24 hours.

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Well, there was a trace amount of protein in my urine, but since my blood pressure was down 18 points they said not to worry about it.  Baby's doing great.  I got to see his little heart beat for awhile and he was sucking on his hand, so he's swallowing good.  The stress test went fine.  Next week, we find out how big he is.  

But for now, no bed rest.  No hypertension.  No inducement on the radar.  Next week is 34 weeks and we're doing really well.  So I'm happy the baby gets to cook for a little while longer.  I feel good.  I've been exhausted this whole week.  I was up for a few hours last night between two and four because I was stuffed up and ctnewdad was snoring and I couldn't fall back asleep after my nightmare.  I dreamed I was all alone in the maternity ward and my old doctor -- the mysogynistic asshat was there.   And he wouldn't take "go away" and "I want my real doctor" for an answer.  So the dream ended with me walking out of the hospital in a Johnny coat, lugging my suitcase.  LOLz

We did still pack my maternity bag and we're pretty much ready to go.

Now, I've got to concentrate on cleaning the house.  I washed all the baby clothes yesterday and I'll fold them back into the drawers tonight.  This Saturday, CTnewdad is going to install the car seats, the stroller, the baby jumper thing and fix the bathroom shelves so the baby's bath tub and stuff can go there and give us some more room in the nursery.

I'll probably post a big pic spam tomorrow, once Ctnewdad resizes my pictures.  So keep an eye out on my <lj user="Jamiekswriter"> journal for it.

Things are going well.  The baby is very active.  He likes to dance to music and he responds to his Grandmother and Father's voice.  He doesn't like Tish sleeping on him and will often kick up until she moves.  The cats are having a hard time adjusting to all the cleaning and moving, but we're trying to make them more comfortable.  We bought them a new litter box, been doling out the wet food and will probably spring for a Kitty condo.

On the medical test front, my blood pressure is on the high side, but not as of yet dangerous or in the hypertension arena.  I don't have any protein in my urine, which is the sign for pre-eclampsyia.  However, they had me do a 24 hour urine collection.  Which I'm sure wouldn't have been such an inconvenience if I *wasn't* pregnant.  But when you have to pee every two hours -- even at night -- it was not something I want to repeat.  I'm glad that's over.  They did that to get a baseline reading for my liver and kidneys.  In the event that my liver/kidneys start to fail, they'll know what's the danger zone.  They also did a host of blood work today too.  I really don't mind the blood work.  I have good veins and it doesn't hurt.  As long as I don't have to drink anymore of that orange goop!  But luckily, the diabetes isn't a problem, so that's good.

My next Drs. appointment is on October 11th.  There will be another ultrasound and a non-stress test.  I saw that on TV.  Basically, you lie down on a bed and have these electrodes stuck to you and they do the ultrasound and see how the baby is doing.  So we're coming down the home stretch.  8 more weeks!

I'm working on my baby scrapbook.  The first one anyway.  This little one is just for Baby Ray so he can flip through it.  It's got lots of colors and big pictures.  So he can see his family and point them out.  I'm hoping to finish the grandparents section this weekend.

So the Drs. office called today.  I failed the glucose test -- by a small margin, but I now have to take a three hour test with a greater concentration of the liquid ::shudder::  and three more blood tests.

 I'm going Tuesday morning 8/28.  I have to eat three extra slices of bread on Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  (I'm not sure why, the Dr. said so ::shrug::).  Then I have to fast after midnight on Monday.  I'm so not looking forward to this.

 This test will find out if I have gestational diabetes or not.  However, I think it looks good that I don't because I just barely failed the test.

 Bleah

I took all day Friday off so I could go to my first Dr.'s appointment with the new Obgyn.  I liked her.  It was a nice, quick visit and I heard the baby's heartbeat, which is always a relief.  I might have another bladder infection though.  I find out the culture results tomorrow.  Blargh!

Then, I had to go back to Long Wharf for another anatomical ultrasound.  We got a great shot of the baby's foot and a blurry profile, but they were really cute.  And the best news, that barring anything major, the baby will be born healthy.  There's no trace of birth defects.  Whoo!

On another note, the heat has been sapping my energy and making me feel lousy.  But I keep the good news in mind and that helps.  The nursery is completely painted.  The armoire is painted and the decals are attached.  The floor is clean.  All that's needed now is to put up the wainscotting of the border decals and get the crib and the changing table.  We've had no luck with that.  Ikea discontinued the ones we were looking at and Babiesrus, has our second choice as unavailable.  However, Ikea came out with a new catalog this weekend and I found the replacement crib and changing table.  So if ctnewdad likes it and it's in stock in New Haven this weekend, we're going to snatch it up.

Next up is the glucose test.  I'm dreading it.  I'm afraid I'm going to barf it up all over the lab.  ::shudder::

So Monday, Ctnewdad and I went on over to Yale to have our "Smart Start" session of our birthing classes.  Taken with the 5 week course, it's free.  Which is good because I'm glad I didn't have to pay $30 for this nonsense.

On the one hand, it was very informative.  There were some neat exercises and nutrition pointers that I enjoyed.  On the other hand, it was really like something out of the sixties.

I'll also have to note that 7 p.m. - 9 p.m. isn't my best time of the day and during the last meditation, where she turned off the lights and was playing nature inspired music, to have us relax  (I really should have asked her what the CD was, because I really liked it) I started to fall asleep. Ctnewdad told me later that he was trying not to fart.  He also didn't appreciate trying to do Kegel exercises with me.

The really neat thing was meeting Dr. Wang who is doing a study on accupuncture.  If you have lower back pain (DING!) and are 25 weeks pregnant (next month), you can volunteer to have her put three litle needles in your ear and get interviewed a few times.  Apparently, it really works.  So it's nice to know that there's another resource out there for me.

Toni Collette is 19 weeks pregnant!  Me tooo!  She was the Mom in 6th Sense and was in Connie and Carla and of course, Little Miss Sunshine.

Drea De Matteo is 5 months pregnant.

Nicole Ritchie, Christina Aguillera, and Nancy Grace are all going to deliver about the same time I am.  Neat!